Having spent 4 years in Brussels I begin to look at Poland with a mix of nostalgia and criticism. Nostalgia is self-explanatory. I spent the first 30 years of my life predominantly in this country; I come from a family where both parents spoke Polish; I was attending schools and universities in Gliwice and Krakow. So what I am right now is predominantly made in Poland.
On the other hand since the high school times I grew more and more interested in the outside world. Foreign news was the part of newspaper that I started reading at the age of 14. I was always excelling in history and political science: I remember still that Khmer Rouge was a bit like the story of Karol May (Winnetou) or conquistadores. The world back then was really far away.
I was born in a semi-independant state where friendship with Soviet Union was an undisputed principle yet everybody knew that Russia has been the biggest danger for the nation throughout the last 3 hundred years. Poland in the 80ies was a curious mixture of declining economy, strong church and a deligitimes nomenclature regime.
And then, 1988-89-90 history accelerated. I was still too young to really witness these years. In 1991 I joined the highschool. My rebellion against the adults had another layer: the generation of my parents was not ready for the new system... they seemed backwards, not ready to understand the new credo of capitalism. They adapted the best way they could but still for me they seemed not as good as me. Time has shown that I was not right.
Now I think my parents went through something that I would not like to repeat myself. Within one year Poland change the direction of its interest from East to West. Of course the west was always a synonyme of money, cars, success. But this is only thanks to my parents that I started learning English one year before Russian. And English was taken seriously while Russian was rather an obligation. West was always present in our thinking. Parts of my family were scattered in USA, France and Germany. But the graves of my family were located in Lviv (aUkrainian town only since 1945).
What meant Poland for me during the high school years? For this I should look at my diaries. I wanted to outperform my parents: engineers who spent their career in a big heavy industry company. In the 90ies being an engineer was no prove of success: we had thousands of them. The introduction of capitalism meant that the only serious career you could make in economy, banking or law. So having realised that law would mean learning by heart a lot of text I opted for economy studies: it was a good compromise between my mathematic skills, languages and history.
Today, looking backwards, I think I am part of a unique generation. A generation of those who still remember Poland before the Balcerowicz reforms and democratic transformation. I know it is difficult to understand now but Macronomy was a key subject for me because I wanted to understand what inflation really means... I believe with the current economic crisis new generations will flock the economic faculties to try to understand and build a better world system.
I am from a generation of Poles that left their country looking for better life perspectives. But I am also from a generation which learnt that you can be also proud for your 'heimat'. I think that for a long time I was trying to go further than my nationality; go beyond the notion of being a Pole. It was not easy to build your own identity. The Polish messianism, catholicism, shared tragic historical events is a very strong amalgam. It took me years to understand myself, my family, my home town, my country, a bit of Europe, a bit of the world evolving face.
I was lucky to grown in the optimism of the nineties. For my part of Europe the period between 1989 and 2009 will be depicted as golden years. This was a time of economic, mental and political opening. I still hope that the world will move forward and push the opening even further. But the current crisis will also show that human nature has many bleak sides. I hope that Europa will become a synonyme of post-national polity which respects the identities of the people that form it. And I hope that Poles will learn the lesson from the last 3 centuries which was a period of political decline and dependance. And I hope that our bet on political Europe will show that it was a wise, forward looking choice.
On the other hand since the high school times I grew more and more interested in the outside world. Foreign news was the part of newspaper that I started reading at the age of 14. I was always excelling in history and political science: I remember still that Khmer Rouge was a bit like the story of Karol May (Winnetou) or conquistadores. The world back then was really far away.
I was born in a semi-independant state where friendship with Soviet Union was an undisputed principle yet everybody knew that Russia has been the biggest danger for the nation throughout the last 3 hundred years. Poland in the 80ies was a curious mixture of declining economy, strong church and a deligitimes nomenclature regime.
And then, 1988-89-90 history accelerated. I was still too young to really witness these years. In 1991 I joined the highschool. My rebellion against the adults had another layer: the generation of my parents was not ready for the new system... they seemed backwards, not ready to understand the new credo of capitalism. They adapted the best way they could but still for me they seemed not as good as me. Time has shown that I was not right.
Now I think my parents went through something that I would not like to repeat myself. Within one year Poland change the direction of its interest from East to West. Of course the west was always a synonyme of money, cars, success. But this is only thanks to my parents that I started learning English one year before Russian. And English was taken seriously while Russian was rather an obligation. West was always present in our thinking. Parts of my family were scattered in USA, France and Germany. But the graves of my family were located in Lviv (aUkrainian town only since 1945).
What meant Poland for me during the high school years? For this I should look at my diaries. I wanted to outperform my parents: engineers who spent their career in a big heavy industry company. In the 90ies being an engineer was no prove of success: we had thousands of them. The introduction of capitalism meant that the only serious career you could make in economy, banking or law. So having realised that law would mean learning by heart a lot of text I opted for economy studies: it was a good compromise between my mathematic skills, languages and history.
Today, looking backwards, I think I am part of a unique generation. A generation of those who still remember Poland before the Balcerowicz reforms and democratic transformation. I know it is difficult to understand now but Macronomy was a key subject for me because I wanted to understand what inflation really means... I believe with the current economic crisis new generations will flock the economic faculties to try to understand and build a better world system.
I am from a generation of Poles that left their country looking for better life perspectives. But I am also from a generation which learnt that you can be also proud for your 'heimat'. I think that for a long time I was trying to go further than my nationality; go beyond the notion of being a Pole. It was not easy to build your own identity. The Polish messianism, catholicism, shared tragic historical events is a very strong amalgam. It took me years to understand myself, my family, my home town, my country, a bit of Europe, a bit of the world evolving face.
I was lucky to grown in the optimism of the nineties. For my part of Europe the period between 1989 and 2009 will be depicted as golden years. This was a time of economic, mental and political opening. I still hope that the world will move forward and push the opening even further. But the current crisis will also show that human nature has many bleak sides. I hope that Europa will become a synonyme of post-national polity which respects the identities of the people that form it. And I hope that Poles will learn the lesson from the last 3 centuries which was a period of political decline and dependance. And I hope that our bet on political Europe will show that it was a wise, forward looking choice.
Lovely testimony. Thanks for sharing this! I wish we could see more posts like these in the Euroblogs, posts that talk about Europe, its culture, people and history, and not only European politics and policies. I did a similar exercise two months ago, reflecting on my relationship with Europe and where it came from.
ReplyDeleteYou can read it here